I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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