the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
