I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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