I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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