hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
