Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
