Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
