I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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