so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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