Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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