I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
