No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
