I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
