a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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