her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I did not marry a roomba.
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