she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
