I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
