new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
