you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
