How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
