That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
