We won't sleep together?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
