Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
