if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
