I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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