rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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