somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
