People with herpes should wear stickers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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