Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
