i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
