The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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