"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
