I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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