I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
