i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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