i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
