I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
