so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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