Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
