I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
