Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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