I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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