just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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