I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
