Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
