It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
