she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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