I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
