I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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