the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
