My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's the barista slut.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
