She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
