my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
