If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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