we're blogging at a bar
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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