So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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