.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
